Just Keep Writin

So I have this playlist, I listen to it all the time.  Its my writing playlist, and by writing I mean: blogging, sleeping, driving alone, being sad, wanting peace, Sunday morning playlist.  Sometimes Coralee tells me to put on 'chill' music, this is what I choose, this is what is playing now.

"Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them become what they are capable of becoming." -- Goethe

My senior year of high school I took a teacher cadet class.  (Go Shoffmama.) Hands down, my favorite class, and not only because it was super easy.  First semester we had to learn the ins and outs of teaching, all the boring parts, and how to properly fill out these review sheet...or something like that.  Our very first assignment was to write a letter to a teacher that has influenced our choice to become a teacher. Yes! I love those kinds of things.  I sent mine to my 7th grade math teacher, good ol' Mr. Chappell.  Chapstick was the best teacher I could have asked for, I still visit him whenever i'm around Lakeshore.  If you didn't have Chappell, and you weren't me, you probably would have absolutely no idea why he was my favorite and I don't feel like explaining it right now.  Point of this being - I want to be a teacher.  But no middle school for me, I student taught at Lakeshore, talk about rough.  (Praise you middle school teachers, bless your soul.) I want high school. WHAT? High School? Talk about rough.  You're dumb, have you seen teachers pay in the first place? Actually, I wrote a paper on it - thank you very much. And then you want to put all that effort into trying to convince kids to love something? Well, what do you want to teach? English. ENGLISH?! Few people actually like English though.  I've never had a normal english teacher before, good luck.  Just make sure you're the cool teacher, the one everyone wants. (For the record, I don't necessarily think people walk into this career thinking "you know, I really hope my students hate me and my class from this day till the day I retire because they make my job miserable." But thanks for the support.) I'd hit on your if I was your student. Umm, thanks? Why would you want to teach a subject with so much gray area? That leaves so much more to grade, and analyze.  No! But thats just it! I love analyzing, I love gray areas - all the shades.  I loved writing a paper on "How To Kill A Mocking Bird" and sitting in discussion circles so we could talk about all the different angles of Grendel and then writing a paper on one of the theories in the book and how it applied to our lives.  Thats the stuff that gets me excited about English.  Why wouldn't someone want to figure out all the different things that The Raven could symbolize? Hello, this is my thing. 

Except: I suck at spelling, I think capital letters are ugly, I could never retain all the different grammar rules, I like to use abbreviations and I hate Times New Roman.  <-- But those things don't make me any less excited to do this.

Have I mentioned my sleeping pattern...sucks?  Part of this I blame on myself, the other part I blame on my lovely right knee. I use the term lovely loosely, I really want to cut my leg off right above the knee just so the pain will stop.  Then I stop, think, and realize how completely illogical that solution actually is, pop some more ibuprofen, and heat this baby till it stops hurting enough that i'm actually able to fall asleep.  Apparently it may be a torn meniscus - if it is i'll probs cry a little, only because that means i'll have to eventually have surgery.  If its not that, i'll probs cry a little because that means we still have no idea what going on with it and it just going to hurt till the day that I die. Thanks for letting me complain. 

Me and Lyndsi write letters all the time, real letters, scribbles and all.  It takes about two days for them to get from Utah to California. We started this thing where within every letter we could add a scripture we found that week, or something that helped uplift us.  With her being on a mission we've been talking a lot about sharing the gospel, mostly in ways to do it that aren't going to scare people off. (Cause thats my biggest fear.) I love my church, everything about it, and I just want to be able to share it with the people who are close to me.  This thought has been weighing on my mind a lot.  Right before I came home I taught a lesson in church, it was on one of my favorite talks from conference.  While planning it, and writing Lyndsis letter, I found this scripture.

"But if ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree as it beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life." Alma 32:41

Talk about an answer springing up and hitting you in the face.

Hi, I love this kinda stuff.

PS: I secretly hope to pick up a southern accent while i'm home so I can take it back to Utah with me. So far, not so good.

PSS: Guess who didn't gain the freshman 15 this first semester from all that beer, munchie food, and partying? This girl. Sucks to be yall.

PSSS: ummmm, i like you. BAM.

whats my age again?

No really, because when ever people ask me I ALWAYS want to say 19.
But i'm not...i'm just 18, and barely at that.
whoops.

I'm obsessed with covers, and I know i've mentioned that before on here - but really, check this out.

I think I like this better than Adeles real version, hands down.

********

I'm stuck in a rut.  While in this rut my roommate texts me.  Katelyn. For those of you who don't know her, and if I haven't said it before, Katelyn is the mother of our apartment.  She takes care of us, and cleans, and when you have a problem she asks all the right questions to make you think.  She asks them whether you want to hear them or not.  She knows that to say.  I told her the problem I was having and this is just a snipit of what she sent me.

Katelyn: Do what is best for you, do what you think you will regret less.  You have to live with yourself forever so honestly, be selfish.  Think what will make you most happy, everyone else will get over it. (This women is going to be a GREAT mother)

********

Truth Is...

- I sat in my high schools auditorium the other night to watch my little brother sing his showformance heart out.  I was flooded with memories of my high school years: Looking for that boy who I thought was cute, meeting Rachel in the commons because we never did anything in high school with out each other, hearing the gossip, seeing the hatred, and literally passing out from boredom.  I am so glad I am out of high school.  Out of the drama I threw myself in, forcing myself to be friends with someone because we ate lunch together, and out of the person I was.

- You sat across from me on my couch the other day, it wast the first time we had talked face to face since the summer, I realized I didn't miss you as much as I thought I did.

- You make me feel so unimportant, and you don't even do it on purpose. 

- I want my sister to hurry up and finish her mish.  We have so much to talk about and I'm always afraid i'm going to forget key parts of my life to update her on.

********

Are You Glad To Be Back?

"Yeah, its so cold in Utah, its already snowing!"

"So glad, I took three planes to get here."

"Yes, I don't want to go back."

"Its so warm here!"

"School starts the ninth, but I don't have a ticket back to school yet."

"Classes weren't hard, just different."

"Its 12 degrees when I wake up in the morning...it feels like four."

"GlenHOOD is going good.  My roommate had bedbugs, our dishwasher didn't work, and we have a terrible fruit fly problem, but all that is pretty much fixed.  Its good."

"This is so much better than my western family macaroni..which is 65 cents a box."

Dear Population of North Carolina,

I'm very very happy to be home.

Thank you for asking.

home home home home

I hate planes, with a passion.
I think once upon a time, I loved flying, I use to love the feeling of taking off and landing and that feeling in your stomach when it seems like your stomach fell to your toes.  Now that feeling just makes me want to throw up, I feel old. 

But, I’m on my way home! Therefore I can officially deal with these feelings of hatred towards planes.  I’m flying home with Corey. Gasp! Coreys home?! Aren’t you not supposed to see him till you go home for Christmas?!   Breathe everyone, he came to surprise me.  Yes, I have the best mom, roommates, and big brother ever.  Apparently my mom had been planning this for weeks and mass messaged my roommates to tell them all about it. Also, my mom is bffs with all my roommates, they’re all facebook friends with her.  When they post something it’s not legit until my mom comments on it.  Go mom, you rock.

Anyways, Corey doesn’t have an iPod.  So I’m letting him use mine in exchange for him letting me use his pillow, (I forgot Baxter).  Well, if you were to see Corey right you would see him passed out, listening to my ipod, and using his pillow.  My sleeping medicine wore off already, and he just barely took his, therefore I had no need for the pillow, so he ended up with both.  Lucky.  This is the third plane we’ve been on.  We flew from Salt Lake to Phoenix, to Denver, and now to Charlotte.  Why the planes backtracked, I have no idea.  But I was asleep on both other planes before we even left the ground, but not on this plane.  There is terrible spacing between me and the seat in front of me so I can’t use my tray as a mini bed, also I’m on the outside which is possibly the worst season on an airplane.  My legs keep getting hit by people walking around, and I have nowhere to lay my head, I also spilled my water..everywhere.  Did I mention I hate planes?

So, while Corey was visiting me I tried to make Provo as appealing as possible.  Not that that I don’t love Provo, but you kinda have to let the town grow on you.  We went to jump on it his first night.  For you, non-Mormon and non-Provo kids, jump on it is the best thing you could ever go too.  Its just a warehouse full of trampolines all over the ground and walls, you pay ten dollars for two hours, and go crazy.  We went to school, he took his math placement test and I took my finals.  He looked at apartments and is living in glenwood! He’s going to be in my ward! Cool stuff.  (That means when Lyndsi comes to live with me we would have gone from being a country apart, to literally two seconds) We also went to see the lights at Salt Lake with my ward on Monday night.  Christmas lights is absolutely one of my favorite things about Christmas, I love love love love love lights.  I used to be worried about Corey coming home, how do you talk to someone you haven’t seen in two years? That’s a lot of time to catch up on.  But it didn’t take long for me and corey to fall into the groove we used to have before he life.  I know about his girls, and he knows about my boys.

Watch our reunion at the airport here !

To refer to something said before, finals.  I’M DONE! My first semester of college is over, I can’t believe its flown by like it has.  This morning before I left to take my last final the roommates opened presents.  Katelyn and Adriana had theirs ready, so we opened those.  Katelyn made these ballin picture frames and matched the colors in the back ground with our personality, and then found scriptures to match us.  Adriana made mini chalkboards for all of us since we really really wanted a chalkboard wall but it never worked out.  I promised them I’d bring them back something.  Aren’t my roommates great? We’re such a family.  We’ve only been together for four months and so much has brought us closer together.  The apartment crush we all had on this boy in our ward, and the other boy we all had a crush on (we got over both of those quick), the first Monday where we planned to play volleyball with everyone so we knocked on all the boys doors to ask them to join, they all ended up becoming best friends with each other and we watched, our tally wall, shopping trips, break ups, engagements, first dates, dance parties anxiety attacks, movie nights, being taken over by fruit flies, family problems, you name it, we’ve been through it and conquered it like champs.  They are a part of my family.

death to the fruit flies

This update is for you Katelyn.

I'm officially done with my first semester of college. Yes, it was that fast.

Our final for English is pretty easy, we pick a topic and write an exploratory research paper on it, and then we have to do a 5-10 minute presentation on it for the class.  I'm doing mine of eating disorders because for some reason something about people starving themselves really really interests me.  Anyways, today, this girl in my class did hers on, "Who is to blame in a rape case? The raped, or the rapist?"  Which I thought was awesome because I would have never thought to choose that as a subject.  Said girl showed us this video that has been passed around facebook, it seriously gave me goosebumps. 

Way to go guy, way to go.

 So, if you have ever stepped foot in my apartment the first thing you would have noticed (besides the mess) was the smell, if you would have stood in one place for too long the second thing you would have noticed was the amount of fruit flies that swarmed your head.  Disgusting. we have done everything to try and get rid of them.  (stick rotten fruit in the microwave, hope they land on it, then nuke them to death - opened all the doors and windows - no longer kept fruit out of the fridge - googled ways for them to die) and nothing ever worked! They even started migrating back to our rooms and the showers.  Finally, we had our last cleaning check before we left for break, Coralee did the kitchen and thank goodness she did.  You see, Coralee does everything 100 percent, she was so worried she was going to fail the check so she pretty much did everything on the list, and did it well.  When she went to organize our food shelving area my mom bought (thanks mom) she let out a disgusted yell.  I thought she was being dramatic until I walked over and noticed why she looked like she was about to puke.  Rotten Potatoes, rotten RED ones if that actually makes any difference.  They had been there for forever and then leaked all over the bottom shelf.  It smelled like poop & vomit mixed together, and the smell spread fast.  We opened the doors and windows and yelled like girls until someone cleaned it up.  It was thick, sticky, and it took forever to get out of the cracks - I thought I was going to die.  Adriana lit her cinnamon candle in hopes to get rid of the smell, then Coralee and I just lit matches over and over again and tried to burn up the smell.  We also smashed the remaining fruit flies against our ceilings and walls until our hands were throbbing and we were tired.  (I'm really good at smashing bugs.  As siblings we used to take a tennis racket to all the june bugs that infested our back yard since we never ever bought one of those june bug catching things - I also kept repeating how proud my parents would be of me).  Needless to say, our fruit fly problem is down to a minimum. 

__________________________________________________________________________

Guess who is getting married!

Clue: Its not me.

Clue: Its Katelyn.

Clue: Shes marrying Damon.

I didn't know how I felt about Damon at first. Katelyn NEVER brought him around, EVER.  We assumed that either meant he was weird, or we were weird, and we ALL knew we weren't weird, so it had to be him.  (Just kidding Damon...maybe)  Anyways, they're getting married! In the Salt Lake Temple! And pretty much once all the roommates got over the shock (not shock that it happened, we all knew it was going too, just more of when) we all banned together in parts that we're taking charge of.

Coralee is planning and all the pictures.

Jenna is making a slideshow to show at the reception.

I..don't have any awesome talents or programs to bring to the table...but i'm really good at sharing, so i'll make that fit in there somewhere, somehow. (I said I could cut the cakes, i'm pretty much a pro at that by now)

Things we love about Damon

1. He loves Katelyn.

2. Sometimes he lets us use his TV.

3. He helps Katelyn clean our kitchen.

4. He comes around a lot.

5. He knows all about our lives, and asks us about him.

6. We can turn his name into fun sounding foods. (Damonroni)

7. He takes care of Katelyn, and Katelyn is one of us.

Go Damon.

Go Katelyn.

Go Love.

"What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy"

Festival Of Trees

So, Utah does this super cool thing called Festival of Trees.
Pretty much people donate all their time, money, and resources to deck out these trees/wreaths/center pieces, a price is put on them and they're sold.  All the money made that night goes to the Primary Childrens Hospital. Same for the money that is made from the concessions, little gift store, and the tickets.  But these aren't normal trees that you decorate with your family, these trees are sold for prices up to 18,000 dollars! WHAT, CRAZY.  And the people that buy these trees just put them in their home so they can look super pretty.  And each tree has a theme, one tree was made out of tires, another was a barbie doll theme, and beach theme, anything you could think of.  Coralee has been helping out at this festival for...forever, so this year we came to help. We got there a little before 10, looked around real quick, and then waited to be assigned jobs.  We were going to be taking down the trees.  And by taking down I mean, bagging them, then saran wrapping them, and everything that surrounded the base of the tree.  (Honestly Saran Wrapping was the best part, you just went around and around with these GIANT rolls of wrap until the tree was nice and tight.)  The set up lasts three days.  Friday, Saturday, and Monday.  Coralee's Aunt Connie say people stay from 7AM to 7PM setting up their tree to make sure its perfect for when the festival opens. If you want to know more about it, look here!

It was such a cool thing to do, honestly.  I know people always say you feel better when you're helping others, and I always blow that saying off.  But I loved this, and I loved doing it with my friends. When I left my apartment I asked Coralee if I needed to bring money, and she said only if I wanted to donate.  I made a snide remark with something along the lines of, "I'm too poor to help myself, how am I going to help someone else?" Dropped my purse on the floor and walked out the door.  I just wanted to buy all the trees while I was there, and all the candy, and all the everything.  It was such a cool concept that everything, EVERYTHING is given to the hospital.  The had giant delivery trucks that would bring your tree to you after it was wrapped up, people running everywhere, but I didn't see anyone in a bad mood, and everyone was so willing to help the people next to them.  AND, Aunt Connie even scored us some scones, milk duds, soda in cans, AND soda in bottles that they had left over.

This is Us! Aren't we so good lookin?

(Damon, Katelyn, Me, Coralee, Sam)

And you best believe those skirts/dresses/tights didn't stop us from getting on the ground and wrappin those trees.  And those are our legit name tags, with out not so legit made up names.

(Mr. Clean, Rachel, Lucy, Mariah De Carmen, and Felipe)

Lets talk about the weather..

First of all Utah, what the crap is with all this wind?

Not only do I freeze easily, but this new college diet has made me small and easy to be knocked over - especially by wind.  According to handy weather.com the wind is blowing at an average of 27 miles per hour. 

That may not sound like a lot, but let me tell you, it is.

This is not only kind of wind that blows your hair all around until it looks teased, but its the kind of winds that prevents you from opening doors, and once the door is open you have to jump super fast through the small crack so you can make it inside the building where it is now a thousand degrees hotter and must start stripping off your layers.  Which is another thing i've always sucked at, and probably always will, dressing to fit the weather.  My concept is, "I only have to make it till the bus comes, and then into the building and to class.  But I always end up standing at the bus stop much longer than planned, thus freezing.  When we were little i'm pretty sure my family was known for having the kids that never dressed right for the weather.  We would go to the bus stop in tiny jackets, if jackets at all.  (Not that this was result of bad parenting, cause it wasn't.  It was more of a result that we were stubborn kids and were more worried about being the first one on the bus then being warm.)  But by the time we would actually wear jackets and be warm..it stopped being cold. We were never on the same time schedule as the weather.

Another thing I used to do...and not understand was wear flip flops in the winter.

This was the cool thing to do in middle school.  So there is me, in the 8th grade, thinking I was cooler than I actually was, wearing flip flops while it was: raining, 'snowing', or just plain freezing.  Why? Because I thought I was the shiz and that I must follow the same things that the other girls were doing.  Little did they know, I hated it.  I couldn't feel my feet by the time I got to school, and then I would slip all the way down the hall ways because we all know that no sandals will ever have super awesome traction when the ground is wet. 

(Once upon the time I was also the girl who hated showering, and brushing my hair, so I refused too. My mom put up with a lot of tomboyish things I did. But we're not going to talk anymore about that.)

Speaking of my mom, I love her a whole lot.

Last night we were talking, (like we do everyday, seriously.)

Side story: While she was in Nicaragua getting Corey from his mission we weren't able to talk for three days. I honestly started thinking the worst.  "Oh my gosh, my family was shot down by snipers hiding in the mountains and i'm never going to see them again. I'm not going to go to college next semester, I need to cancel my classes. Good thing Jesse and Brad like me, cause i'm gonna take care of them. I wonder if mamaw has heard from them, how will I know if they're alive?!  Who is going to tell Lyndsi?! How do you plan a funeral? I need to get a job.  Crap, im parentless."
No joke, this was my thought process.  I didn't tell anyone, except for Adriana who now makes fun of me for blowing things way out of proportion. Gay.

Anyways.  These are key phrases from our conversation last night.

"Make her your friend, and change your profile picture, I bet shes creepin you all the time."

"I don't exactly remember our conversation last night, I was ambiened up, but I do remember your dad having his ear next to mine so he could hear, he's so cute."
"Your package came! I think we picked the right size.   ...on second thought, it looks a little big, crap."
And of course I get sent millions of pictures of Bradley who is beyond adorable on a daily basis.

Mostly the part I loved was over conversation ending like this.

"Goodnight, I love you! Do you need money?"

Do I need money? Yes.  Am I stubborn and promised you that I could live off this financial aid money for a full semester? Yes.  Me and Coralee figured it out, I have about 40 dollars, and two weeks left, therefore I can totally make that work with groceries.  I caved anyways.

"Money would be great mom, but I don't need a lot."

"I'll put some in at lunch time tomorrow, 50?!"

My eyes lit up, and I filled with happiness.

I love my mom, and we're pretty much best friends.

Ken came over the other day, he told me my apartment smelled, and then he helped me fix it.

(we opened windows, doors, and sprayed that mess down.)

I told him about our fruit fly problem, we tried to look for the main source of the food that they were multiplying in, it was no where to be found -therefore Ken decided they're probably living in our walls.

welcome to glenhood. He said if we set out a bowl of alcohol that the smell would pretty much stun the fruit flies into death - he should know, they used to do it in science class and then examine the flies.  I laughed at him.

I hate utah weather.

I love my family.

I over react.

I'm greatful for jackets

&& boys who know how to kill fruit flies.

that is all.

Kinda Love This...

Although her voice annoys me when she is just plain talking, I kind of love it when she sings this.

History.

This time last year was not one of my proudest high-school moments.
I allowed this boy to walk all over my heart, he let me go, then came back, and I let him back in, only for him to do the same thing all over again.  He let me go through a text message the first time, I cried to my mom in a bank parking lot by Davidson College, I sucked it up and went to the first high school basketball game of my senior year - he was there too.  He sat next to me and acted like nothing had happened, like he hadn't just used the most cliche "I don't want to ruin our friendship line."  I ignored him.
Things changed, I let him back in.  By letting him back in I also let back lots of harassment by other girls in the school - in the hallways, on facebook, showing up to my house, everywhere I turned I was getting ambushed by something I didn't think I deserved.  This was rough for me.  I knew I didn't deserve what was happening to me, and I knew somewhere in my mind that being with this boy was not a good idea, yet I did it anyways.  this was my stubborn-im-going-to-act-like-you-dont-hurt-my-feelings stage.

I am not ashamed of those days, they taught me a lot.
I am not the same person I was today, one year ago.

I no longer have to wake up and walk the halls of Lake Norman High School.

I don't receive mean texts, messages, or have people show up at my door.

My heart isn't being walked all over.

I wake up to see people who I love.

My heart is full, my heart is happy. 

********

I am an overthinker. 

If it was a sport I promise I could win an Olympic medal. 

At night I torture myself with thoughts of things I can't control, sometimes it builds up over days to the point where I can't handle it anymore.  Its exhausting and I feel like it is something I can't control.  When things get hard, I shut down.  I sit in my room with my computer, or I try to sleep.  When I feel like I can't handle things anymore something comes into my life that allows me to release it all.  Sometimes its words from my best friend calling me out of the fact that i've been too quiet lately, i'm not laughing, or responding like I usually do. I tell him i'm not ready to talk about it, he tells me he'll be there when I am. Sometimes its letters from my sister, telling me that i'm strong, and she loves watching me grow up.  Its emails from my brother giving me lists of all the things he wants to do when he gets off his mission.  These things make me feel much better about my life, these things help me stop from stressin so much.

********

I don't know how any kid would ever gain a freshman 15.  Maybe its because I missed the whole dorm experience and jumped right into an apartment and having to buy my own food.  No meal plan, no cafeteria, just my bank account, and Maceys grocery store.  My stomach has shrunk.  I used to be able to take down a number 1 meal from Mcdonalds and still be hungry.  I could eat endless amounts of fried chicken, fries, biscuits, grits, sandwiches, you name it and I would have taken three.  These days I eat Western Family Macaroni (65 cents a box), grilled cheese (occasionally with tomato soup), and quesadillas. Apparently these are the three cheapest meals/easiest meals you can eat as a college kid.  And although I am now a BOSS at making all three of these things, my stomach is tired of them.  I used to love macaroni, I used to be so excited when we would cook it for dinner, now I despise it and dread eating it, yet I still do.  Grilled Cheese were rarity's, for some reason I never made them at home - this is currently my go to meal.  Cheese quesadillas, yum - but also frustrating to eat every other day.  Sometimes I splurge and buy myself pringles, I eat a few a day so I can make sure they last.  I still own two boxed of hamburger helper...but no hamburger.  I can't wait to go home and have my mom cook for me again...or go out to eat and not have to pay for it.

I go home in 24 days, not that i'm counting.

********

"You are more that the choices that you've made,

You are more that the sum of your past mistakes, 

You are more that the problems you create,

You've been remade."

i wish...

In case you guys didn't know, its 11/11/11
although, I missed the first 11:11am because I wasn't paying attention, and i'll probably miss the 11:11pm for the same reason - whooops.

BUT - if I would have made a ton of wishes I would have wished that:
1. It could suddenly become Christmas season and I would be home.
2. The states would rearrange themselves and Utah would be next to North Carolina.
3. The snow would never ever come.
4. I could have bojangles sitting on my lap.
5. I could be home when Corey gets off his mission.
6. Someone would hire me.
7. I would have more bojangles.
8. I could visit the beach.
9. I could look into time and figure out all the answers I want right now.
10. I would be surrounded my cheerwine and cookout milkshakes.
11. world peace.
HA, i really just want some chicken.

things that make me happy

going to my favorite place with my favorite friends

climbing fake trees in restaurants

random dance parties with my roommates

pillow pets

little brothers who will take lots of pictures with me

words of wisdom from Jesse

knowing my sister and brother are out changing peoples lives

that I have such a GOOD LOOKIN mom, and that she really does take care of me better than anyone else.

I love my siblings more than anything.  I think high school brought me closer with the boys.  Me and Corey have always gotten along, but it wasn't until I was a freshman and we rode to school together did we really become best friends. We went to Dennys at midnight to eat brownies and talk about our current love lives, and how I hated girls in high school..  

Me and Jesse RARELY got along, and I hated it.  Everything with us was a fight, and it was usually me yelling at him.  But when he reached high school we became best friends too, literally.  I told that boy everything about the girls that hated me, and the boys that I was falling after.  When he thought a guy was going to screw me over, he told me, and he was always right.  When we were at the beach we sat next to each other in chairs at the edge of the water and we just talked about everything, mostly me leaving for college.  He told me he would miss me, its one of my favorite memories. He recently broke his ankle and has to get surgery on friday. SAD.  I just want to be home and sit with him and have a movie marathon and eat lots of bojangles, because we do that really well.

Everyone always gets along with Bradley.  When even I talk to my mom and hear him in the background I get so sad and it takes all my might not to cry.  That little boy owns my heart, and I miss him with everything.  He is always willing to take pictures with me, and he pretends to give me piggy back rides.  I kick him out of my room a lot when i'm trying to watch movies, and he always comes back and runs straight into my closed door, then laughs, and sticks his head in.  I act so annoyed, but then I laugh and secretly love it.  He is the sweetest little boy you will ever me, and I know he was sent to our family for a reason.

My sister rocks.  She never drove me to high school and we've always been tight. She was the best big sister.  She would play paper dolls with me and let me sleep in her bed at night.  We made up secret hand shakes every night in the Sago Lane house, and she even let me decorate clothes with her.  We hand write each other letters now that shes on a mish.  Those letters are ALWAYS filled with boy stories that I have, or boys she wants to send me, or that boy who is on her mind - because face it, if we were together that is the exact thing we would be talking about anyways.

 I have the best mom.  We talk everyday, about everything.  That dates I go on, school, potential work, and what i'm worried about.  The other day she texted me and said, "are you worried about coming home?  Don't worry about it, I will get you here.  I will sell myself if I have too!" Seriously, I have the best mom.  She always seems to make everything work.  Money was tight, but every Sunday we had lunch or dinner as a family.  She always made sure we had lunch money, and that I can do things like go to college in Utah.  She also comments on all my facebook stuff, which I love, and my roommates love.  I don't know all your moms, but I really do think mine is better.

I have an awesome dad too, I know there is no picture, but thats because he some how finds a way to stay away from them.  I love my dad, although I am able to talk all the time like my mom, I got a lot of things from my dad besides my man hands and ugly feet. I can be quiet like my dad.  I am able to sit in a room and not feel the need to talk to the person next to me, often I feel thats how my dad is too.  He's tough, and works hard for our family.  At one point he lived in Charleston for two years on a contract job, he does what he can to provide for our family.  He fixes our cars, and plays trains with bradley.  He works third shift, but still found time to go to Bradleys t-ball games and coach the little kids past first base.  He lived away from us for two years, but drove home every weeked and still made it to our sporting events.  Before I left for college he told me how proud he was that  I was going to run in college, that is also one of my favorite memories.

I love my family.

also: check out this BALLIN blog - its seriously amazing.

My life is pretty bland.

I woke up this morning and thought, "Man, I can't wait to come home and nap."
True Life: I'm the most interesting college kid ever <- LIE.
I am so boring, SO BORING.
Let me tell you, I love being by myself, thats weird right?
But I love it, and i'm so good at it - ask my roommates.
I love being able to sit in my room with my headphones on and watch my tv shows, or blog, or actually write in my real life journal.  I don't always have to have plans and I don't always have to be going somewhere.
I love to watch movies, and I love to sit in one place and not move for hours.
I don't really remember being this way before college - but I have small memories of when I was.
Before I came to Utah I was a taxi.

Picked kids up for seminary, drove to school, went to practice, drove home, got Brad from Mrs. Rhondas, drove Jesse to piano, let Brad ride his bike during piano lessons, drove home, drove myself to tutoring, drove Jesse to tutoring, sometimes pit stopped good ol bojangles for me and the boys.

I am not in any way trying to say my parents were absent in this time of my high school life.  My parents worked their butts off for our family AND provided me with a car, with a car came responsibilities and those responsibilities included my brothers - which I love and enjoy driving them places.

Anyways, I always felt like when I did have time to myself...it wasn't really too myself.  I could always hear Bradley running around and playing, and Jesses guitar going which is usually why I sought refuge in other places - like Rachels house.  But here, at college, its almost ALWAYS quiet in my apartment.  This may be because my roommates have lives and don't like sitting by themselves, so they're always gone - or they're just never loud.  I love it.  I'm not used to having all this time to...sit.  I love it, and I take advantage of it.  I have come to terms with the fact that I may be the most boring kid.

More Examples:

This boy in my math class asks me every monday how my weekend was, what did I do, that kinda thing.  I always pause, laugh, and tell him I did nothing.  Sometimes he looks astonished, but I think he is getting used to it.  He also asked what things I had done around Provo since I had been here, I replied, "ummm, i've been to Sammys, the mall, the tumbling gym and the McDonalds down the street." I have SUCH an interesting life.

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Somedays I do things for myself, even though I know I don't need too.  Sometimes I splurge and buy subway at school, sometimes I go to TJ MAXX and buy things that excite me.

I did that yesterday with Adriana.

I am now a proud owner of...

-6 pairs of socks, all bright colored, and every set had a different smiley face with a different mood.

-I also own a new pair of pretty crappy purple head phones.  (I'm really bad with headphones, I always break them so only one ear works unless you hold the wire in just the right place.)

-AND a travel mug so now I can bring hot chocolate to school with me.  I love this little guy.  He is green and has skateboarders all over him.  (I would have picked a cute more girly one but none of them had a opening that could be shut, so I went for the tomboy 5 year old one.)

Buying these three things made me more happy than you could imagine, and I know it was totally worth the money!

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I am obsessed with pinterest.  Awesome right?  Because I of all people need one more thing to be addicted to.   If you've never done it, or looked at it, you should.  Never once in my life have I ever really thought about my wedding, or what I want, or the colors, or decorations or anything.  I've never been that girl.  But on pinterest I have a board called, "The Most Ballin Wedding Ever" and it is anything and everything that I could probably want and will probably never actually do - but the ideas are so cute!  I also have a board where I pretend i'm this really awesome baker and can make all these delicious desserts and easy dinners for my families or roommates.  When in reality, thats not me either.  I can make a dang good grilled cheese, and thats about my extent right now.  But I pretend I can! And that I have all the ingredients I need to make "Cheesey Quesadilla Puffs"  Really, this site is awesome, and you should probably become addicted too.

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Although I was not an avid Harry Potter book reader, I was at the movie theater every midnight premiere standing in line waiting for the doors to be opened.  I saw this video on one of my friends walls and had to repost it.  I thought it was absolutely beautiful, and almost brought some tears.

please enjoy.

So remember that time...

When you thought you were really cool, and then realized you probably weren't?
This happens to me quite often.
-In the 6th grade it was that my locker was on the 7th grade hallway
-In the 7th grade it was that I was able to run for the full ten minutes during PE.
-In the 8th grade it was the fact that I had the same purse as one of the 'coolest' girls in the grade.
(I loved that purse with all my heart, it was a brown ROXY one and I even put buttons on it.)
-Also in the 8th grade I decided that I was 'too cool' to run for the full ten minutes, so I walked it.
-My freshman year it was that I dyed my hair pink - only for it to fade a few days later and I was left with bleached tips.
-My sophomore year it was that I had the boy I wanted for the longest time, and I was able to walk to his house.
-My junior year I carried around a bright yellow book bag that had my sisters name on it.
-My senior year I stayed out late with boys, and kissed a lot of them.
-These days I walk into Maceys with all my roommates, all loud, all obnoxious, and we go grocery shopping together.
In these moments, I think i'm pretty cool.  Who wouldn't like college kids filling up there grocery store, being annoying and shoving themselves into carts and weaving in and out of incoming traffic, and of course stopping in the middle of aisles for well needed pictures.  One day I will look back and probably talk about how dumb I was, but for now, I love me.  In my middle school days I loved my brown purse, I loved play cops and robbers  in the hall way after cleaning the lunch tables.  I was on the CUTEST boys top 8 friend list (number one in fact) and I walked into class right on time.  I dyed my hair and carried book bags that didn't belong to me.  I hugged boys in the hallway, ate my bojangles during class, and did everything but study.

I loved me then, and I love me now.  Isn't that whats important?  Loving yourself.  Even when youre dumb, and you make a fool out of yourself - as long as you can laugh at yourself its all you need.  I've found that our a lot since i've been here.  I get sad a lot, I miss my family, and being warm.  But its nights like tonight, where i'm able to be annoying in a grocery store where i'm about to apply for a job at, that i'm alright.  I was put in an apartment with girls who I KNOW I was meant to meet.  I prayed and prayed that I would be put with girls who could understand me, girls who wouldn't be catty and wouldn't judge me.  (If you knew me in high school, you would realize that the extent of girls that I was friends with reached to about...three) These girls are just what I needed, just what I wanted.

oh my gosh, we all love each other

Talk about an emotional week.
I was supposed to go home this week for fall break, guess who didn't go home, me.
Emotional wreck.
I looked straight out of a movie.  I found out all the flights were full, packed my bag back up, hugged my pillowpet and walked to the bathroom.  You know those movies where girls have no friends on the first day of school so they sit in the stall and cry? That was me, only not because I didn't have friends, it was because I didn't have a plane to get on.  Then I had to scour my way through Salt Lake City to find the trax station and let me tell you, SLC is sketchy.  I don't appreciate that place at all.  So three buses, and three hours later I finally made it home and my roommates were there to make me feel better.  That is why I love them.

On one of the buses I rode I met an old man.  To be honest, I was super angry when he started talking to me because I was in no mood to carry on a conversation with him.  Anyways, he asked me about baxter, my pillow pet.  I told him it was a duck and then he told me a story about how in Maine if you don't keep your ducks fenced in - if they escape and someone else finds them, then that person is allowed to charge you 25 cents per duck, and a certain amount of  money per day till you build something to keep them in.  Please let that be a law in Utah, someone let some ducks free, and pay me to give them back - talk about a deal.  He also told me a story about his daughter.  Her and her husband wanted to adopt but she had a dream and saw her father-in-law holding the hand of a little boy.  That is when she knew she needed to have another child instead of adopting one.  This nice old man told me these stories at least three more times.   It turns out he doesn't have that awesome of a memory, at all.  But he did cheer me up, and made one of those bus rides much more enjoyable.

I've also had two super awesome talks with two different guy friends of mine.  One was till three in the morning, one was today on the way to the airport.  The same subjects were covered in each talk, just from different point of views.  One from a boy who had a difficult up-bringing but found the church adn found his way, and one from someone who had the church all his life, had some difficulties, and served an honorable mission.  Both are some of my best friends, both made me feel better about all my questions and thoughts.  I love these people.

Also today we had a photoshoot, compliments of Coralee, of course.  She should really be paid to do this kinda thing, and she will take my engagement/wedding pictures, hands down. In all honesty, check this mess out.  She is SO LEGIT. I am just so amazed every time I'm able to see the outcome, and not gonna lie, I really really love being the prop. Sometimes, she also likes to dress like a gypsy - we approve.

I got the BEST birthday package from my mamaw the other day.  She sent me sheets to help keep me warm when it gets cold here, I already put them on.  They are the most comfortable, warm, lovable sheets ever.  Also, she sent me lots of candy and lotion and perfume.  The cool thing about that lotion&perfume is it is the same kind that my mamaw wears! And if ya'll dont know, my mamaw is awesome and I want to be just like her, so now I love the fact that I can smell like her.  Get at me.

"Be Strong, because things will get better.  It may be stormy, but it can't rain forever"

Its My Birthday!

freshman year!
I was a shy little one fresh into high school.  This is when I came to visit Lyndi, its actually taken in GlenHOOD, ironic.  I had no idea what I was doing with my life.  All I knew was that I was going to play in powderpuff football, and that I didn't want to come to school in utah.  Funny how things change.



Sophomore Year!
A little baby 15 year old.  I spent all my days at this girls house, and snugged lots on that futon right behind us.  I loved disney movies, great wok, and a boy. This was also the time of the Fantastic Four.  We loved each other, played guitar hero all day, and watched lots of movies.

Junior Year.
Whoa man, talk about drama.  But I turned sixteen, cooked hot dogs and ate 3 cookie cakes.  I loved my junior year.  I stayed tight with Rachel, and made lots of new friends who would soon change my life so much. My junior year I still wanted to go to school in North Carolina, and my heart was free.

Senior Year.
                                                                          The year I stole some boyfriends, friendships fell apart, new ones fell together.  It wasn't until then that I knew I wanted to leave North Carolina to come out West.  I knew it would be hard, but I truely had no idea what I was getting myself into. I wanted something new, I wanted out of Lake Norman - college seemed like the perfect opportunity.  I made lots of new friends that I wish I had had all the other years of high school.  After all the drama, and heartaches, I loved my last year.



This is my life now.  I want to be a teacher.  I don't want to raise a family in Utah.  I want to have lots of fun.  My heart is filled with love and greatfulness, I've learned so much about myself since i've been here.  My awesome roommates decorated my room, took me out to dinner (twice), and loved me.  Me and Adriana snugged as Kolby played his guitar.  We all sat and talked as Coralee uploaded pictures.  Then we ate caramel apples that Katelyn made.  It has been the best birthday, ever.

PS: The unorganization of the pictures is really annoying me, but its to frustrating to try and figure out.

Want a Good Time?

Just in case you stalk my blog more than you stalk my facebook, heres an update with the roommates.  This is exactly that it looks like.  We have made a promise that when you kiss, snug, or hold hands with a boy, you must owe the other roommates a prize. Pretty much the best idea ever.  Only we're starting fresh, which means all those boys Adriana and Jenna have already snugged/kissed/held hands with don't count.  And if you do one of these things with a boy you have already done that with, it still doesn't count.  Does that make sense? It must be a new boy, and a new activity.  I'm not sure how we came up with the idea, but i think its a pretty legit one if I say so myself.  Adriana is going to be oweing us lots and lots of ice cream.  One day this week, we're going to make prediction of where we think each roommate will end up at the end of the semester.  This is how we bond. 

There are even more girls that I love besides the ones in my apartment! They are the ones on my team.  Honestly, with out those girls, I wouldn't still be running.  They are the ones that push me through every workout, and they make sure we all stay together, as a team.  I love these girls, and I love this team. The other day I was talking to one of the girls and she told me how its hard for her to go to school here.  She is absolutely in love with running, it calms her down, but after practice she goes to work, and then home, and spends all her time doing homework.  It hard on her, she has no time for anything and college is dang expensive. But she didn't want to tell people about it because she wasn't looking for pity. Yes! This is me! Minus the work part, because i'm not doing that right now.  But the "college is too expensive for my family, I don't want pity, but sometimes I need someone to talk to about it" I was so happy to find that. I don't know if I told her enough that I understood exactly what she meant, because I do.  Props to this girl, she works hard at everything she does, and she loves running more than anything i've ever seen.  I am so proud of her.

Shout Out to Kenny Love!

It's his birthday! He's old!

Everyone love Ken a little bit more today.

Speaking of birthdays, I turn 18 tomorrow. Whoa.

Okay, not only am I the youngest person on my team, almost the youngest in my ward, and for sure the youngest in my apartment, I feel so old.

Eighteen?! I can do things by myself now, like sign for myself. 

And call those commercials that say you have to be 18 or older to order.

And now I won't have to lie to get into the tumbling gym. (if youre under 18, you need a parent signature)

I can also buy lottery tickets! Except apparently those don't exist in Utah, anywhere. Lame.

Almost two years ago I had a birthday party at the O'Connels Lake House.

Now i'm in Utah, turning 18, and i'm not really sure what i'm doing for my birthday.

It came so fast!

Crazy stuff.

I have a new obsession.

I told Coralee how lately I really really really love when people cover other songs.  She told me to listen to Boyce Avenue on youtube.  Ho Man, i'm addicted.  They are AWESOME.  They also do mash-ups, which is another favorite of mine.

Did I mention I might be coming home for fall break?

Lets hope I do, because if I don't, i'm going to crawl into a hole and cry.

I miss home so much, so much. Maybe not necessarily Mooresville, but my family, and that boy I snug with that lives across the street, and Rachel, and Bojangles.  If I could just bring all those things to Utah, I promise i'd be set, for life.  I love this place, but I love North Carolina. If I make it home I get to see Jesse perform! He has a solo in his chorus concert.  My littler brother is a balla, sometimes he even tells me he misses me.  Isn't that nice of him? I miss him too.  Its even warm in North Carolina! Like 80 degrees warm, so awesome.  I can't wait.

Everyone pray the flights stay empty so I can make it home with no hassle and no tears.

K, thanks.





*Confession*

I feel like i'm really...open on this mess.

Which I love. It is so freeing, and makes me feel so calm.

Mostly I think its because I don't really know who all is reading this.

I want to know.  Who are you?





Blogging Makes Me Feel Better

Can I please just talk about how much I absolutely LOVE living in Utah?
Cause I do.
Yes, I get sad sometimes.
Yes, I miss home a lot.
But now this place is my home.

Today was a good day, turned bad, turned worse, turned awesome.
We were at dinner group and I figured some things out, I turned into those girls I hate.
Those jealous, freaking out over nothing, blowing things out of proportion girls.
(Although, I feel like everyone needs a spaz moment - I graciously took mine)
I told my roommates.
"find yourself a frill."
"don't even worry, cause we're gonna make you look super hot and take lots of pictures."
"dumb."
"here, just come cuddle with us."
So I did.  We took up almost all of Mike Jones awesome corner couch.
My legs stretched across Coralee and Katelyn and I laid of Coralees shoulder and freaked out.
(I would have snugged with Jenna and Adriana also, but my legs just arent that long)
They made me feel better, i love my roommates.

We went on to Sams apartment.
Sam is our FHE Dad, hes super fly - SUPER.
We waited for him to get off work, had our spiritual thought, and went on with our activity.
It was MUSTACHE MONDAY!
Some colleges have
*Ladies in free before eleven night
*Beer for 16 cents with college I.D.
*and so on...
Here, in the prove, we have mustache monday.
You wear a mustache to this really super cool place called sammys and guess what, you get a free grilled cheese.  FREE.  Do you know what that means to us poor college kids? It means everything.

These are our cool faces.  We weren't allowed to draw them on ourselves, someone else had too.  This is everyone!
(Jenna, Katie, Coralee, Adriana, Sam, Me, John)
And by everyone, I mean everyone who showed up tonight, so not everyone.  Its supposed to be two apartments of girls, two of boys. ...we were missing a few.  But that DID NOT take the fun away from this adventure.  It was the BEST TIME.  It brought my night up to sure a higher note.  We don't do these kinds of things in mooresville, you know? You'd be a freak if you wore a mustache to a restaurant.  Granted, I absolutely love these kids. (And the ones who weren't in this picture)  I love having fun with the dumbest, smallest, FREE activities.

THIS - IS - ME



This is what I want to share with everyone.  The people here are so uplifting, even in simple activities.  Days like this at home I would have just sulked in my room.  Or sulked in Rachels room.  Not here, no sulking allowed.  I was just a little upset (okay, a lot) and I was all the sudden surrounded by the people I love, and that love me, and they made me feel better.

These are my girls, my best friends.



It's Better To Look Up

Gosh, man.  This has been the longest weekend ever.  Usually I wish for long weekends, but this one was more exhausting as the rest.  It was conference weekend.  Don't get me wrong, its not that I don't like conference - it just takes all my energy.  All my roommates were excited for conference, actually excitement was an understatement.  They look forward to hearing it.  Anyways, this really cool thing happened.  I've had this prayer in my heart and i've been waiting for my answer - its been difficult because I havent felt like I got anything - not even any kind of recognition.  But then, i'm sitting there, writing in my journ and Robert D. Hales is speaking, guess what he says. 

"We don't know when the answers to our prayers will come.  They come in pieces, here some, there some.  It's on the Lords time."

He also talked about how if we got everything at once we would be so overwhelmed and we wouldn't be able to take everything in.  You know? Isn't that way cool?! Then I realized something, i've gotten pieces at a time.  They've been discrete, but they've been there at the same time.  Its come through Revelation, a random letter from my sister, and thoughts that came into my head.

I hung out with my friend Kolby last night.  We went and saw one of the converts he taught on his mish at J-Dawgs.  She was here from Arizona for conference. She was talking about how she was sharing the church with one of her friends back home.  She made it sound so easy.  I've been a member all my life and I still feel like I have trouble saying what I want to say to certain people.  Dumb. 

"Love Is Spelled t-e-a-m"

-Ian S. Arden

Maybe my new favorite quote, just maybe.  I feel like this is something a lot of people forget sometimes.  It starts out as a team, raising a family, or just keeping a relationship together.  But often times around us this team falls apart. It no longer becomes about supporting each other, it becomes all about themselves.  Thats when things fall apart.  Everyone needs a somebody.

Oh Yeah! and I went to the BYU game!

I was Coralees date, pretty much cause we're bffs - and we're always each others dates. It was SUCH a good game, if you missed it, you missed....us losing for a long time.  But we pulled through!  And Won! And sent those Aggies home. To be honest, maybe i'm not a huge football fan, but I loved this game.  And I love these people.  Thats Katelyn and her boyfriend Damon.  We all had competitions to see who could yell obnoxiously the longest.  We also took lots of pictures, maybe that made us super obnox. Whoops. I love this place a whole lot.





its happening.

We're getting one of these suckas. And he'll be our best friend.  And we'll keep him nice and small...and cuddley. We already love him.

Prepare to be Beasted.

Whens fall break again? ...not soon enough is the answer.  I'm dying here and would like a big amount of time to sleep in. Or time to take a nap.  Thank goodness its Friday.

Things that have ruined this week for me:
*I dont remember what it feels like to not be sore.
*My kneecap is pretty much eating the tissue on the inside of my knee - hello physical therpy.
*All my friends are going home this weekend, i'm going back to my dorm.
*I have yet to find some good fried chicken.
*I was so bored I got a twitter - just another thing to be addicted too.  (@lacefacee14)
*Its getting colder here.

Things that have made me appreciate this week:
*We got our super cool track clothes! So legit.
*I've made lots of friends on the team.
*I went to see this WAY funny play with summer afer practice on Wednesday.
*I won freshman grocery Bingo...THREE TIMES.
*After a really upsetting day yesterday Ken called me offering me a ticket to the BYU game tonight.
SIDE NOTE: I just love that boy.  He takes care of me so well, and drives me to the grocery store, and does things like see if I want to go the BYU football game when he has an extra ticket. Last week he invited me to his tailgate, which tasted way way way good.  Just keep on lovin my sister kenny love. 'preciate it.

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Once upon a time me and my sister went on a road trip before she left on her mish.  We drove to West Virgina to visit her friend Emily.  (another one of my favorite people)  Anyways, Emily has a little sister, Laura.  Laura has a blog. I was reading it last night. (not to be creepy...thats what they're for right?) Anyways she had a way cool entry where she was talking about dumb boys and annoying things theyve done.  Dude, i loved it. Thats my kinda thing. It seemed so freeing, so i'm stealing it &&&& here we go.

Its okay....
*that you never texted me back
*that you said you liked me, then disappeared
*that we spend everyday for weeks at a time together, then you changed your mind.
*that you liked me, and then you didn't, and then you really did, and then you had a girlfriend.
*that you left to get what you wanted from someone else
*that your way of saying you were done involved ditching me
*that you threatened to end our friendship over someone else
*you held my hand...while you had three other girls.
*that you kissed me when you knew it wasn't going anywhere
*that you made fun of my religion
*that you said you won't be my friend if I turned into a lard
*that girls all around school said hateful things to me, because things with you
*that you told me I was stupid
*thats us hanging out always had to involve all your friends
*that you turned my music off every time it came on
*that you wouldn't come over to my house
*that you smoked in front of me, a lot.
*that you showed up to hang out with me high.
*when I was convinced we were going to prom, jokes.
*when you napped at my house, but were napping at her house at the same time.
*that I had to sit through a counseling session for you.

Its okay, because i'm done with all of you boys now.
I'm happy, and i'm sure you are too.

I have someone who
*really does like me, really
*comes to my house all the dang time
*loves my family
*loves his own family
*doesnt smell like smoke
*is going somewhere with his life
*likes to hold my hand
*will sit through all my disney/pixar movie obsessions with no complaints
*hates my whiny boy band music, but would still listen to it
*laughs at me, even when my jokes clearly arent funny
*makes sure i'm okay, every night.
*thats texts me back
*has never played games with me
*visits my family, even when i'm not home
*cares about the things I do
*is my own motivational speaker when something goes wrong
*has been my best friends since I can remember

guess what.
he tops all ya'll.
so there.