Sugar Pie, Honey Bun

Lyndsi comes home in EIGHT days.
CELEBRATION.
Just thought ya'll should know.

You're So Vain You Probably Think This Post Is About You

Who are we kidding, its totally about you.

Last Thursday was a rough day.

I went all day with out talking to the person I usually talk to everyday.  

What, A whole 24 hours? What a drama queen. Hey you, shut up.

Anyways, I go to get in bed and as instinct I check my facebook one last time.

4 Notifications.

(Now, my facebook hasn't been blowin up lately these days so you can imagine my excitement.)

2 likes, 2 comments.

This was my thought when I saw who they were from.

"Oh no."

These were my thoughts when I actually looked at each notification.

"So you won't talk to me, but you'll go through my facebook to let me know you're obviously thinking about talking to me? Dumb." "Oh wait, I was the one who choose this, I was the one that asked for me heart back" "Breathe Lacey, you have no reason to freak out."

Then I felt like I was going to throw up anyways.

I picked up my phone.

"Sometimes I look at those pictures at night too"

"Its hard not too"

"What are you thinking about all of this?"

"I'm usually able to distract myself so I don't have to think about anything, but I just couldn't tonight."

The sick to my stomach feeling came back.

Relationships are dumb.

I hate this process.

********

"Did you finish writing your sister yet? I know you said you had a lot of thoughts."

Lots of thoughts?

Story of my life.

I wrote my letter.

My scattered, emotional, boy story letter.

It takes 3 days for a letter to leave me in Utah and reach Lyndsi in California.

I mailed my letter Monday, so she got it Wednesday - Thursdayish.

With it being Monday again, its P-Day.  Email Day.

I checked my email before every class, after every class, and sometimes even during class.

Finally I had one new email.

It was the one Lyndsi sends to the whole family, the one that we post on her blog.

It was not the one I wanted.  

I know she would email me something to tell me she got the letter, especially with what was in the letter.

I love you and I'm writing you back today!

Do me a favor this week and do something that makes you feel good.  I'm worried about you.

Love You!

Relief flowed through me.

and then I cried.  (I'm a little emotional these days).

Do something that makes me feel good.

I automatically started making a list in my head of things that help me do this.

-Bojangles.

-Cookout Tray.

But those don't exist in Utah, therefore I had to be reevaluate. 

I like grocery shopping.  There is just something about knowing if it came down too it, and I was stuck in that building for a few weeks - I would be okay.  Plus, I really really like food.

-I looked up fun recipes and bought the ingredients tonight.

-I made a super neat grocery list.

-I sang loudly.

-I made a list of all the places i'm going to go apply for jobs at tomorrow.

-I put all my shoes back into my basket.

-I did some homework.

-I went to FHE.

-I talked to my mom for a few minutes.

-I kept my normal clothes on instead of changing into sweatpants.

-I studied my sign language.

-I went to BYU campus with Coralee and Katelyn.

-I told myself that i'm going to be okay.

-I shaved my legs.

I'm feeling better.

But other things that have made me feel better these past few days are things that I have had no control over.

-I taught my lesson in Relief Society. (CORRECTION: I CRIED all through my lesson in Relief Society.)

But mostly, people participated in my lesson.  I love participation, I love hearing peoples stories instead of only telling mine.

-One of my visiting teachers stopped by because she was walking past my door and just wanted to make sure I was having a good day and to see if I needed anything.

-Corey called me to his apartment and showed me how parts in our Patriarchal Blessings match up.

-Coralee bought me Wendys on a whim.

-Adriana made chocolate chip banana bread muffins...twice.

-I keep running into countless amounts of track kids all over campus.

-I was able to eat Sunday dinner with Coralee and her family.

-My Mamaw and Papaw sent me a letter.

Things are tough.

There is snow on the ground.

My feet get cold a lot.

I'll suck it up.

I'll embrace the snow.

I'll wear thicker socks.

Just A Little Bit of Marketing

Since i've already tweeted and facebooked about it, I might as well blog about it too.

Ali Shields Ya'll! Check her out! I ran with her at UVU.  She is hands down the nicest person you will ever meet.  And the personality you see in this audition, thats real, thats her, thats 24/7.  She gave us the ins and out of how the auditions work at practice one day, and then we made her sing and dance for us.  Now look! Shes on American Idol! #teamalishields Want to see more things shes done? Just youtube her name, no joke.
Shes legit.

Swim For The Brighter Days

"I don't kiss the boys I actually like."
"The only reason I went to school today was because it was the first day."
"Why is everyone so marriage hungry? Welcome to Utah."
"I didn't realize I just sat us in the middle of three guys who we no longer talk too.  This is awkward."
"I feel like youre a little sad, you should find a tanning bed, get some fake sun therapy."
"I'll be patient with you."
"I'm stressin out because I feel like I can't talk to the person who always stops me from stressin out."
"I just want to eat something bad for me."
"Maybe i'll just write him on his mission, make him fall in love with me, and then date him when he gets home. It's a fool proof plan."
"Lacey, the hard part is over now."
"You just hit about four different emotions in less than five minutes."
"Over everything else, i'm your best friend - remember that."
"Heavenly Father probably just wanted to humble you.  He was probably thinking, 'she things shes doing really well right now, she needs to calm down."
"Coralee, want to come to a bonfire?" "I'll go if Lacey goes."
"Lacey, want to go to a bonfire?!" "I don't know, is Coralee going!?"
These things have been my past week.
Thats all I have to say about that.

You know that moment when you're listening to your teacher, but then you realize you really stopped listening a long time ago?  At least with a voice you can retain some sort of information, or catch key words.  In my ASL class, i'm not so lucky.  I usually have no idea what my professor is trying to tell us anyways, but I find myself watching him - and then zoning out more than usual.  We're not allowed to speak in his class, only sign.  Today we had to write down five words, at first he didn't tell us why.  (Or maybe he did, but I didn't understand).  Then after a lot of explaining and gestures we figured out that we had to sign our words across the room to our partner using the finger alaphbet.  Needless to say my words changed from: Running, Soccer, Food, Showering, and Bus to Eat, Run, Clean, Dog, but I of course kept Food.  I find this language so interesting, and so beautiful.  Watching my teacher trying to get his point across, and having to use his facial expressions reminds me why I took this class.  He is so patient with us.  He was born deaf, so was his parents, and his sister - therefore he never had to learn how to read lips.  As of right now, I can only spell a few things, but I love it. 

My life feels cluttered.

But instead of cleaning out my life - I deal with it in other ways.

I organize my pinterest boards.

I clean out from under my bed.

I bake, and then clean all my dishes immediately after.

I sleep.

I start a million different letters to Lyndsi but I never end up getting anywhere because either I write too slow and then so much more information happens - or I can't write her name as pretty as I want along the top so I get frustrated and give up.

Someone send me some fried chicken please.

Back In The Prove!

After 7 1/2 hours total on a plane.

Three different planes.

Three different seats.

Four different airports.

and one new friend.

I'm finally back in Provo!

It was pretty bittersweet, let me tell you.

I didn't cry when I said bye to anyone, except my mom, but I also walked away to the security line pretty quickly.

But I am so happy to be back in provo, mostly because I really really love my roommates.

This morning (and by morning I mean one in the afternoon) Katelyn asks us, "Guys, would you rather have no  fruit-flies and no toilet paper, or endless amounts of toilet paper and a ton of fruit-flies?" I don't know if I could actually express how much I hated those fruit-flies, so I obviously choose to have no toilet paper.  There is substitutes for that anyways.  Point of this story: The fruit flies are gone, and so is our toilet paper. (Although I won some at our relief society white elephant party, I won toilet paper.  Which once we unwrapped we found out was just a paper towel roll cut in half. Clever anonymous girl in my ward, clever.)

I went hiking yesterday. Yes, hiking.  Me and CJ hiked the Y.   For those of you who don't live in this town, in just a mountain with a giant Y painted on it.  Can't you tell this town is proud of this school? This hike has a trillion switchbacks, and I felt like climb took forever. I didn't talk much, partly because I couldn't breath, and partly because I didn't know what to say. CJ looks at me and asks, "You're thinking never again, right?" How'd you know? I've never been a girly girl, I don't mind being sweaty and gross, but i'm also probably one of the laziest people you'll ever meet.  Once you reach the Y you have the choice of climbing to the top, or the bottom.  We went to the bottom.  It over looks the valley, which was beautiful.  Also, a man ran off the why and soared the sky in a parachute/hang-gliding thing.  We just watched him fly back and forth and then eventually land in a park.  Majestic. I told CJ that I just want to play.  "Play an instrument, kinda thing?" I laughed. "No, I want to play in the grass..barefoot kinda thing.  But there isn't grass here, and the small grass that we have will soon be covered with snow.  So I guess i'll just go to class instead."  He told me there is a lot of parks here I can go 'play' in, I like parks. On the way down the mountain my legs were shaking real bad.  This always happens to me, "I'm not afraid of heights" I tell him, "I just get scared when I have to climb down.   Like the light house on the outer banks, going up is no problem for me - coming down is a whole different story.  I haven't climbed it in forever, but my mamaw still climbs it.  Shes a boss."  But I made it too the bottom, shaky legs, and I even slipped a few times.  Balance never was one of my finer points.  I'm glad I did it, now I won't feel bad when I never do it again.

********

I had this best friend growing up, she was a little mormon ginge and she lived across the street from me.  We met on the church steps, and clicked at that moment.  We spend every day together when we were younger, as we grew up we saw each other less and less, but when we were together it was like nothing had changed.  She moved to Illinois my sophomore year of high school.  I all the sudden couldn't imagine growing up that far away from her.  Turns out, I didn't have too. We talk all the time.  She's in love now, and I love hearing about it.  Shes also always the voice that tells me what I need to hear.  When i'm being a brat, shes the first one to tell me.  She came to stay with me during the summer and went to girls camp with me, I flew to Chicago and went to girls camp with her. These are some things I wrote while I was there.

July 2009 

"When i'm with Hayley I feel my spirit grow brighter.  I miss her, and I always forget how much fun I have when i'm with her.  12 years and going strong."

"Today we laid on the grass in the fields and watched the stars. I realized that I have never got this close to a group of girls so fast. I feel like i'm apart of these girls."

"Sometimes I forget who I am and what i'm worth - I forget what I want, and overall what i'm working with.  Being here, and being with Hayley makes me remember.  She reminds me who I am, and what i'm supposed to do, and why i'm here."

At the end of their camp the fourth years have a, "yellow feather ceremony" Everyone gets Indian names and something that describes them.  Mine was Eagle's Flight. 

"High in the crest of far away mountains

An eagle takes flight

with courage and power

Her course is true

And with majesty and grace

She directs the sky.

Lacey, fly like an eagle

for within you

greatness in there."

D&C 25: 10-12

10 And verily I say unto thee that thou shalt lay aside the things of this world and seek for the things of a better.

11 And it shall be given thee, also, to make a selection of sacred hyms, as it shall be given thee, which is pleasuring unto me, to be had in my church

12 For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads.