You're So Vain You Probably Think This Post Is About You

Who are we kidding, its totally about you.

Last Thursday was a rough day.

I went all day with out talking to the person I usually talk to everyday.  

What, A whole 24 hours? What a drama queen. Hey you, shut up.

Anyways, I go to get in bed and as instinct I check my facebook one last time.

4 Notifications.

(Now, my facebook hasn't been blowin up lately these days so you can imagine my excitement.)

2 likes, 2 comments.

This was my thought when I saw who they were from.

"Oh no."

These were my thoughts when I actually looked at each notification.

"So you won't talk to me, but you'll go through my facebook to let me know you're obviously thinking about talking to me? Dumb." "Oh wait, I was the one who choose this, I was the one that asked for me heart back" "Breathe Lacey, you have no reason to freak out."

Then I felt like I was going to throw up anyways.

I picked up my phone.

"Sometimes I look at those pictures at night too"

"Its hard not too"

"What are you thinking about all of this?"

"I'm usually able to distract myself so I don't have to think about anything, but I just couldn't tonight."

The sick to my stomach feeling came back.

Relationships are dumb.

I hate this process.

********

"Did you finish writing your sister yet? I know you said you had a lot of thoughts."

Lots of thoughts?

Story of my life.

I wrote my letter.

My scattered, emotional, boy story letter.

It takes 3 days for a letter to leave me in Utah and reach Lyndsi in California.

I mailed my letter Monday, so she got it Wednesday - Thursdayish.

With it being Monday again, its P-Day.  Email Day.

I checked my email before every class, after every class, and sometimes even during class.

Finally I had one new email.

It was the one Lyndsi sends to the whole family, the one that we post on her blog.

It was not the one I wanted.  

I know she would email me something to tell me she got the letter, especially with what was in the letter.

I love you and I'm writing you back today!

Do me a favor this week and do something that makes you feel good.  I'm worried about you.

Love You!

Relief flowed through me.

and then I cried.  (I'm a little emotional these days).

Do something that makes me feel good.

I automatically started making a list in my head of things that help me do this.

-Bojangles.

-Cookout Tray.

But those don't exist in Utah, therefore I had to be reevaluate. 

I like grocery shopping.  There is just something about knowing if it came down too it, and I was stuck in that building for a few weeks - I would be okay.  Plus, I really really like food.

-I looked up fun recipes and bought the ingredients tonight.

-I made a super neat grocery list.

-I sang loudly.

-I made a list of all the places i'm going to go apply for jobs at tomorrow.

-I put all my shoes back into my basket.

-I did some homework.

-I went to FHE.

-I talked to my mom for a few minutes.

-I kept my normal clothes on instead of changing into sweatpants.

-I studied my sign language.

-I went to BYU campus with Coralee and Katelyn.

-I told myself that i'm going to be okay.

-I shaved my legs.

I'm feeling better.

But other things that have made me feel better these past few days are things that I have had no control over.

-I taught my lesson in Relief Society. (CORRECTION: I CRIED all through my lesson in Relief Society.)

But mostly, people participated in my lesson.  I love participation, I love hearing peoples stories instead of only telling mine.

-One of my visiting teachers stopped by because she was walking past my door and just wanted to make sure I was having a good day and to see if I needed anything.

-Corey called me to his apartment and showed me how parts in our Patriarchal Blessings match up.

-Coralee bought me Wendys on a whim.

-Adriana made chocolate chip banana bread muffins...twice.

-I keep running into countless amounts of track kids all over campus.

-I was able to eat Sunday dinner with Coralee and her family.

-My Mamaw and Papaw sent me a letter.

Things are tough.

There is snow on the ground.

My feet get cold a lot.

I'll suck it up.

I'll embrace the snow.

I'll wear thicker socks.