The Provo Dating Game

I just have a few things to get off my chest.

I hate dating. We're talking despise. Which kinda sucks because the only way to get out of the dating game is to get married..and the only way to get married is to date.

    Reasons Why I Feel This Way:

1. It literally feels like an interview for how ever many hours it lasts. 

2. I walk away from most first dates not knowing anything about someone except for those generic questions. Don't get me wrong, I love mashed potatoes too, but that doesn't make me want to go on second date with you. I don't want to know your deepest secrets either, but please, give me something with a little substance. 

3. I suck at the generic dating games: Bowling, Mini Golf, Ice Skating. 

3a. Okay, i'm kinda good at ice skating. Unless you try to trick me into holding your hand when I first meet you..no thanks, you ain't sly. 

Working at an ice cream shop has taught me a lot of what not to do while on dates.

Examples:

1. I will not share my sample spoon with my significant other. Seriously, the sample spoon is a sample...for one person. The point is to get a little bit of everything on the tiny spoon space so when you eat the nut and carmel out of pralines and cream and give your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband whats left of the vanilla, that defeats the whole purpose! They have no idea that the praline was covered in caramelized candy (and lets be honest, thats the best part) or that their even was a praline! If I see you do this, and you ask for another sample of another flavor, I will give you significantly smaller sample. Try sharing that one, sucka. 

2.  I will not sit across a table from my other half and: hold their hand, look longingly into their eyes, and forget I even have ice cream until I feel it melting down my hand. 

3. I will not pull into the empty parking lot and make out with my boyfriend for a straight 15 minutes before coming in because the workers will know, and they will be judging me...hard. 

4. I will also not make out with you while the cashier stands and repeats that we owe her $5.15 four times. 

I woke up this morning with my left arm covered in bruises and my right arm covered in pistachio almond. (Seriously, my arm is green.) No big, just filling provos loving, pda hearts with ice cream one scoop at a time.