Refine.

In a few days i'll move out of Glenhood for forever, can I get a hallelujah?

This time last year I was sending a good friend I had made back home to California for the summer.

I was saying goodbye to my very first roommates.

I had my first real customer service job.

I had just finished my first year of college.

All I wanted to do was fly home to a boy that I was in love with.

I couldn't imagine staying in Utah for an entire summer.

This year that same friend will leave for California.

I am still saying goodbye to my roommates.

I'm picking up my third job for the summer.

I have finished my second year of college.

There is no boy that I am in love with. 

I can't imagine leaving Utah for an entire summer.

Its crazy how things can change in just one year. 

This will be my first summer in Utah where my heart is actually with me.

I have never been so ready.

Since i've moved away from home things that I knew about myself have become much more obvious to me. 

I am ALWAYS willing to give people 3, 4, 5, chances. 

I have a really hard time believe that people make bad choices on purpose, especially when it effects me in the end. 

This leads me to letting them back in my life, continuously.

Every relationship teaches you something, and although I may have stayed in my relationships longer than I should have, I don't regret any of them.

My sophomore year of high school I really really liked this boy and when things didn't work out between us I literally didn't think I would ever be okay again.

The same thing happened my junior year, and my senior year, and again my freshman year of college.

The thing is, I will be okay. Always. 

I never understood girls who couldn't walk away from their boyfriends who were complete jerks, of boyfriends who had cheated on them.

I couldn't understand until I was one of those girls last year, and again recently. 

When you put your entire self into a relationship its hard to pull it all back out and start over.

But its not impossible.

Refine: Verb

1. Improve (something) by making small changes, in particular make (an idea,theory, or method) more subtle and accurate.

2. To make (a substance) pure by taking out dirt, waste substances. 

May 20, 2012

April 8, 2013

Boyfriend Door

People I date more than actual boys:
Lyndsi & Ken
Adriana
The 3 girls I nanny
My bed

I'm not writing this because i'm some girl who is sad she doesn't go on dates.
I'm writing this because I think boys are dumb.
Refer here to see my other feelings about the subject.

Anyways, as an apartment we made a door for Valentines day asking for boyfriends.
It was a brilliant joke that was actually pretty successful.

We had boys stopping by our apartment to introduce themselves, numbers were being written on our door, and interviews began.  Eventually we printed out applications and stuck them on or door to be taken. They were full of important questions that could make or break our relationship.
Things like:

• How tall are you?
• Will you scrape the ice off our car?
• Can we have a sweatshirt?
• Would you rather be the big spoon or the little spoon? 

And the most important one...

• Can we write about you on our blog?

One particular application is the reason for this post.
This person had great answers and agreed that I could write about him on my blog.
BAM.

It was our first face to face interview. When we were done he interviewed us. He had us hug him, hold his hand, and made us role play to see how we would greet him when we see him in public. He asked questions like, "how would you feel if the person you're dating is busy with homework or extra activities and can't see you all the time?" Its understandable that people have lives, right? We all agreed that you don't have to be together all the time, but its still good to make the other person feel important.

Anyways, this was the boy I got set up with.
I was pretty psyched, we seemed to get along pretty well.
We had a date for a Friday but throughout the week he asked me if I could hangout.
I couldn't, I was geuinely busy.
Things came up on his side and our date for Friday was cancelled.
I texted him and asked if we could reschedule.
No answer.
I texted him a few days later and made a joke about how I was going to show up to his Q&A and ask him publicly why he wouldn't text me back, but I had class.
No answer.
I noticed his name was no longer in my phone, just his number.
He defriended me on facebook.

OKAY! Thats a reasonable response, right?
No. Way to be a girl.

Heres a note to all the boys i've ever stopped answering with no explanation, i'm sorry.
Heres a note to all the boys who stop answering girls with no explanation, you're stupid.

I didn't know this boy well enough to know whether or not I could like him.
But I was excited to hang out with him and get to know him better.
Turns out he sucks.

So heres my angsty I-Hate-Boys post.
And I don't feel bad about it at all because he said I could write about him on my blog.

Jokes on you.
Sucka.

Im Grateful...But Not About The Weather

I've always had a problem with dressing for the weather.

I have distinct memories of being at the Winslow Bay bustop in the rain/winter with no jacket, or not a jacket that could actually keep me warm. Or not thinking to cover my foot with a sock when I had a cast on so my toes wouldn't freeze. This wasn't my parents fault. It honestly just didn't cross my mind to put a real coat on. Along with this, I was lucky if I didn't wear pajamas to school, or if I even brushed my hair. 

This happened to me today.

I know I live in Utah and I know its always freezing for 7 out of the 12 months and I still can't seem to dress right for the weather. I just forget how cold it actually is. This morning when I was walking to school I had on leggings and my brothers sweatshirt. These clothes would be acceptable in North Carolina weather where 30 degrees is freezing and the end of the world. Again, I live in Utah. It was 19 degrees.  As I was walking it also occurred to me that I didn't brush my hair that morning, or put any makeup on.  Hi, I am still my 10 year old self. 

************

Lately i've realized how many things I take for granted. 

I'm so grateful for the way I was raised. My parents taught me how to clean up after myself and how to care for my siblings. These lessons have gotten me the jobs I have today.

I love being a nanny, although its really hard. 

I love seeing how i've rubbed off on them, even if I don't realize it.

I love calling those girls suckas. 

"Come on suckas - Catch me suckas" etc. 

The other day I was getting all of them out of the bath and Cambree starts running around screaming, "NO PANTS, SUCKAS!"

I died, literally died. 

Cambree is also potty trained. Although, somedays I think she forgets that she is.

One day she peed her pants three times and I kept asking her if she was a big girl because big girls don't pee their pants. Later we were eating dinner and Cambree jumps down and runs away to the bathroom. A few minutes later she screams from upstairs, "Lacey! I'm a big girl!" 

I love my job. 

I also clean houses now. 

I get to lay out cotton balls drenched in peppermint to keep mice away from the food.

I get to kill bugs...lots of bugs.

Its not the most glorious job, but i'm good at it.

This also goes back to my parents.

At one point my mom went and printed out a detailed list of how to clean each room in our house, laminated it, and taped it to every door. This is where I learned. 

I'm also grateful for the people in my life.

My roommates.

The family i'm so lucky to have around.

The family I nanny for.

Boys who come and take our trash out everyday.

Boys who try to explain to me whats wrong with my car...even though I don't understand.

The friends I still have from high school. 

Im grateful for indoor plumbing.

And not having to walk in the snow because I have a car.

And being surrounded by so many great food places.

I hate being so far away, but I love my family. 

I'm Coming Home

I've been at the airport for three hours already...and I haven't taken off.
Why?
No, my plane is not delayed.
No, my plane is not being deiced.
No, my plane did not get hijacked.
Yes, I did arrive at SLC at 7:00 for a flight that leaves at midnight.
I'm just excited to get home, what can I say?

I'm officially caught up on all my tv shows
Moved seats three times to try and find a plug.
Bought a ridiculously expensive and disgusting sandwich
and I ate half of it.
(I also brought snacks...but those were eaten already too.)

I keep refreshing the page that shows me how many seats are open, how many people are flying standby and where I fall.
I have this fear that all the sudden its going to drop to zero and i'll be stuck here.
Seriously, refreshed every few minutes.
But don't worry, for the past two hours its stayed at a constant 20 open seats, 13 standby, and i'm number 7.

I have this monologue planned in my head of what I would say if this plane all the sudden fills up.
It contains things like, "I've been here since 7!" "I will have no way back to Provo!" "I only have a few months to live and if I don't get home tonight I won't be getting home at all!" or [insert something about my family member being in the hospital/getting married/leaving for mission tomorrow].
Would I actually say these things? Probably not. Would they give me a seat if I did? Probably not.
-Except for that one time when I cried when the lady at the check in station told me I couldn't fly an indirect flight my freshman year because I wasn't old enough. My tears worked! She told me to lie about my age to everyone who asked, and that worked also.

I have also planned out what I shall do on this flight home.
I hope to sleep for the full time, but that never happens.
I brought movies.
Three coloring books & Crayons (thanks to an early christmas present from my girls)
I brought my journal.
And of course the sleeping medicine.
What I didn't bring?
My iPod.
In fact its lost.
Shoutout to whoever found it on campus and didn't turn it in.
Have fun with a cracked/blacked out screen and a center/home button that doesn't work.

I once again overpacked.
I once again didn't bring enough snacks.
But hey, I'm dang excited to be going home.

____________________

For the record, I made it home.

The Provo Dating Game

I just have a few things to get off my chest.

I hate dating. We're talking despise. Which kinda sucks because the only way to get out of the dating game is to get married..and the only way to get married is to date.

    Reasons Why I Feel This Way:

1. It literally feels like an interview for how ever many hours it lasts. 

2. I walk away from most first dates not knowing anything about someone except for those generic questions. Don't get me wrong, I love mashed potatoes too, but that doesn't make me want to go on second date with you. I don't want to know your deepest secrets either, but please, give me something with a little substance. 

3. I suck at the generic dating games: Bowling, Mini Golf, Ice Skating. 

3a. Okay, i'm kinda good at ice skating. Unless you try to trick me into holding your hand when I first meet you..no thanks, you ain't sly. 

Working at an ice cream shop has taught me a lot of what not to do while on dates.

Examples:

1. I will not share my sample spoon with my significant other. Seriously, the sample spoon is a sample...for one person. The point is to get a little bit of everything on the tiny spoon space so when you eat the nut and carmel out of pralines and cream and give your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband whats left of the vanilla, that defeats the whole purpose! They have no idea that the praline was covered in caramelized candy (and lets be honest, thats the best part) or that their even was a praline! If I see you do this, and you ask for another sample of another flavor, I will give you significantly smaller sample. Try sharing that one, sucka. 

2.  I will not sit across a table from my other half and: hold their hand, look longingly into their eyes, and forget I even have ice cream until I feel it melting down my hand. 

3. I will not pull into the empty parking lot and make out with my boyfriend for a straight 15 minutes before coming in because the workers will know, and they will be judging me...hard. 

4. I will also not make out with you while the cashier stands and repeats that we owe her $5.15 four times. 

I woke up this morning with my left arm covered in bruises and my right arm covered in pistachio almond. (Seriously, my arm is green.) No big, just filling provos loving, pda hearts with ice cream one scoop at a time.

Libby the Liberty (Formally known as Koook)

I take after my family in many different ways.

1. The amount i'm able to eat.

2. The amount i'm able to love.

3. The amount i'm able to sleep.

4. The amount of car trouble i'm able to have.

For now, lets focus on number four. (Lets be honest, I talk about 1-3 all the time.)

I have the greatest parents ever.

How great you may ask?

Well, when school first started this semester my AWESOME parents sold some things on ebay, saved some money, packed some snacks for my dad, and he made the journey from North Carolina to Utah to bring me my car. I love them. My mom sends me a picture of him leaving mooresville and three days later he appears in ghoods parking lot. (Just to paint a picture of what he looked like.. All the windows were down, he was sweaty, and he had a permanent seatbelt sweat stain across his chest.) In order to save gas he drove the whole way with the windows down, hes so legit.  The next day Lyndsi took him to the airport and he flew back to the east coast and went back to work.

I love having my car. I've missed it so much. I'm so thankful my family was able to this for me (and corey). It has allowed me to keep my job and allowed Corey to have a job that he is also able to drive to. 

It has also brought us some problems.

Example:

Me: "Guys, I just refilled my coolant tank a few days ago and its already overheating again, what do you think is wrong?"

Boys: "...You probably have a leak, you should get that fixed."

-A few weeks later-

Me: "Uhhh, can you come outside, my car is smoking and it smells like butt."

Boy as he crawls on the ground to look under my car: "Did you ever get that leak fixed?"

Me: "Well...no. They couldln't find it."

Boy: "I bet they could find it now."

And boy did they find it.

And by they I mean my Uncle Rodger.

And by uncle I mean my dads cousin...but he calls himself our uncle

And I stick to that because its easier than trying to really figure out what he is to me.

Rodger is a mechanic.

He looks and fixes our car for us all the time.

He took my car into work with him, checked it out, and it turns out my radiator is cracked. 

"I'll put it in for you for free, its a hassle, but i'll do it. You can come sit with me while I do it. Its a little under 200 dollars. As soon as you get the money i'll take you to buy one and we'll fix it. You can come over tonight and pick your car back up."

I don't want to know how much it would cost us to bring it somewhere to be fixed.

I love Rodger.

Lyndsi brought me to his house so I could pick my car back up. 

We walk inside and Rodger is eating pizza with two of his friends.

"Ya'll sit down! You want some pizza?!"

Rodgers house is great, and so southern, and so is he.

He grew up in greensboro with my dad, went to school in utah, and then never left.

Everyone drinks out of mason jars, he doesn't understand why people don't like milk, his floor creaks, and his house just screams the south.

He takes me outside to my car and tries to explain to me what was wrong with my car.

I didn't understand most of what he said.

But! Are you ready? Because this part is the whole reason i'm writing this post.

Rodger had my hood propped up with a bat. (It won't stay up by itself.)

"Clarence out grew this bat two seasons ago. Its the perfect fit for your car so I want you to have it. Use it when every you need too! If there are any boys chasing you..or dogs, just whip it out. I also filled up four big ol' jugs of water and put them in your backseat. I noticed you only had one and this time you won't have to go inside as often to get water when you need to refill your coolant." 

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am now the proud owner of a bat. Thank you.

I get in my car and I notice many different things immediately. 

1. My window was down. 

      - My mom hates this. She hates it when my dad leaves the car windows down because bugs and other creatures in. Rodger obviously has many similarities with my dad.

2. My radio was on an oldies station.

      - Blinded by the light was the first song that came on. It reminded me so much of my dad.  Whenever I ride anywhere with him we also listen to his CDS and he sings every single word. One day I mentioned how I liked Jackson Browne and he brought me his burned cd so I could download it onto my computer. Driving away from Rodgers I couldn't bring myself to turn the station, or roll my window up, I felt like I was at home. 

Rodgers on the left, my dad on the right.

I'm Still Here.

Remember me?
I'm still here.
Truth is, i've written lots of things, just none of those things have actually been able to make it to the official published page.  They stay hidden from you, but taunt me with red italicized letters reminding me that my drafted post is way to emotional for you right now, they're my raw thoughts, and in a folder they will remain.

Nannying is hard.
Everyday I leave there exhausted and wonder how I will ever be able to be mom and do this 24/7.
But lets be honest, I am like a mom to these girls.
The other day I stood at the door with their mom and we discussed whether or not she should put the youngest one in preschool yet or wait another year.
Me! She talked to me about it! Her employee!
We talk about the best ways to get Kylie to eat her dinner instead of always eating pb&j sandwiches. When ever it comes time to cook dinner, Cambree always asks to sit on the counter and watch me. Shes learning to talk really well, we can actually have many conversations now.
Mark always offers to help me with my car and Stacey always tells me how much she appreciates me.
This job is hard, but its worth it.

Tonight I sit in my torn up sweatpants, and a boys warm up jacket. (A boy? My boy? The boy?)
Its ten till midnight and Rebecca is making cookies while we sing along to her pandora.
Shes sleeping with me tonight in the party bed because Adriana is off being legit and helping Romney campaign in Colorado. I don't know how, but I once again lucked out with my roommates. We all clicked so instantly, and our personalities even everyone else's out.

I often thing about going home. Its a reoccurring thought in my head.
I've wanted to go home since I got here, but its not because I don't like Utah, I just really really like home.  This thought is pressured by many different circumstances going on in my brain that I can't control. I push them out and go to work, or school, or lyndsis. I work through it because this place is my home.

It snowed today.
I bought the new TSwift CD.
and I painted my nails this cool mint color.
Things are good.

Settle down, it'll all be clear

Don't pay no mind to the demons

They fill you with fear

The trouble it might drag you down

If you get lose, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone

Cause i'm going to make this place your home.